What the bleep now?

Although the four days spent at the hospital this time were a million times better than the ones before, we were so bleeping ready to be home.  The morning that I was discharged, I was given a dozen papers to sign; ya know, the ones making sure I actually wanted to take this human home with me and that I really wanted to stick with the name I chose. Next step was getting the ok from my ob/gyn and I knew what her deciding factor would be!

Before my ob/gyn was going to allow me to leave, she was going to make sure I went to the bathroom... Number two!  This time, I knew to bleeping lie! During my last stay I was honest and can you take a wild guess as to where that got me? Nowhere. It only meant drinking prune juice, after prune juice, after bleeping prune juice, and getting (3) suppositories shoved up my... Ok, you get it! So I lied, "Yes, doc! I did my business!" But the truth was, there's no place like home!

We packed our bags, stole some diapers and formula (but before you judge me on this, ask to see my hospital bill. I guess I'd barely consider it theft), dressed our little monster in an adorable oversized outfit, then buckled her into her car seat. She looked like she was being eaten alive in that thing! It was bitter sweet driving away from that hospital.

We talked about recording her homecoming, but we quickly forgot about it. I think we were too concerned with our cat's feelings at this point. We had left her for four bleeping days (with an eye infection) and we were bringing back a living, screaming, stinky little creature.  Luckily for all of us, Belle decided not to kill Birdie. In fact, it was quite the opposite, she showed zero interest in her.

A couple of minutes into being home is when the "what the bleep now?" started to set in.  When your newborn cries, you naturally assume it's due to one of three reasons: 1. She's hungry 2. She's tired 3. She has a dirty diaper. Um! Or maybe she's bleeping crying because she just spent almost a year- and her entire existence- living in a warm, wet, cozy, dark hole.  She's never felt or breathed the bleeping air! She's never been cold! Maybe because this wide open space that she stretches her limbs out in is scary as hell! She was constantly being fed, so this whole hunger thing is new! And there are lights and shapes and movement everywhere! Maybe 1,2 and 3 aren't the only options when it comes to a newborns' discomfort.

During an extensive cry session that we were unable to soothe, we asked ourselves and each other this question again; "What the bleep now?" Dry diaper, full tummy, and she wasn't sleeping. So, "what the bleep now?" Looking back at it, I basically bury my head in embarrassment... We tried putting our four day old baby in her swing and bouncy chair, and immediately assumed that because they didn't stop the crying that she hated them.   No, morons, she was just WAY too small for them!

My mom came to the rescue again! The day after we were home, she drove up and stayed over our our mess of a house.  She woke up every two hours with Birdie in order to feed and change her.  I still believe that those 7 straight hours of sleep saved Emanuel's, Birdie's, and my life! Sleep deprivation is nothing to mess with. But wait, that is a whole different blog post...