I just ran into an old friend of mine, who is now also married with children. While we were chatting about who we keep in touch with she said how her and her husband usually only hang out with their friends who have kids. She said it is hard sometimes to hang out with people without kids because they're in a different place in life. As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. And I can't blame someone without kids for not wanting to skip on a night out to get half of my attention and all of my screaming child!
First things first, let me clear this up, my relationship with my "parent friends" are no more important to me than the ones with my "kidless friends". I will never love my friends without kids less because they haven't entered this world yet, nor do I enjoy their company any less, it's not about any of that. It's mostly that my friends with kids just get it!
Would I love to spend an hour getting ready {while sipping on a glass of wine} for a wild Friday night out at a bar with a group of my girlfriends? Bleep yeah! It sounds amazing... Until I remember that once I've finished that one glass of wine at home I can only get away with two more drinks {at most} while I'm out. Why? Because I will be coming home to a baby that will most likely be waking up at least once in the middle of night and will most certainly be up by 7am and being drunk or hungover for that sounds about as good as death.
How about just having a casual dinner date with friends? My husband and I love this too! But if we leave Birdie at home with a babysitter, our $100 night out quickly turns into something more like a $200 night out. Oh, you don't mind if we bring her? Great, then she shall come! Although I'm sure you'll quickly retract that statement when it's 7:00, aka her bedtime, and she's screaming, throwing food on the floor, touching every possible bleeping thing on the table and begging to get out of her high chair. By this time we've spent 3/4 of the night telling her "no" and tuning out the conversation we wish we could being paying attention to. Of course, we can always do dinner at home... Oh, you want to do it at your house? Ok, but just know that I'll spend most of our evening chasing Birdie around because any pretty, shiny, breakable and off-limit decorations you have out are the things she tends to gravitate to. I promise when I suggest we get together here instead, it isn't because I don't love your lovely place, it's because I can gate my wild child in and give you more of me.
Even if my friends who don't have kids say they understand the madness that is now my life, inside I am thinking about how bleeping terrible I feel that I am only halfway checked in to what they are saying to me. It's like having lunch with someone who doesn't look up from their iPhone the entire time. I don't have this guilty feeling when I am out with my friends who have kids, because I know they're only half way checked in too.
As time goes on and my little lady grows, I hope to find a better balance. Until then, I apologize to all of my "kidless friends" for being bleeping sucky and I also thank you for tolerating my scatter brain and very chaotic dinner dates that we do make happen!
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