Yesterday my baby turned 10 months old. I take these little balloon pictures of her every month, a balloon for a month, ya know, to see how much she grows. I searched through the monthly shots, a few short videos we took of her and some newborn pictures. While looking over all of these, I turned my head to see my yelling, gibberish talking, crawling baby and I got a little teary eyed. Oh, great, have I become THAT bleeping mom?
I remember celebrating one of my best friends kids' first birthday shortly after finding out I was pregnant {I won't say your name, but you know who you are :)} and my friend cried while everyone sang Happy Birthday to her baby. All I could think was, "no bleeping way will I cry at my baby's first birthday. It's just not me." Months after this, when I was very close to my delivery date, this same friend and one other warned me about the emotional wreck I would become after I had Birdie. You guys, I am going to bleeping cry when my friends and family sing her Happy Birthday! I'm not bleeping kidding you! I AM THAT BLEEPING MOM!
The truth is, from day to day I create new challenges for Birdie and encourage her to do things to advance her development. I read to her everyday, I clap and yell like a bleeping idiot when she stands on her own for longer than five seconds, or when she looks at the object I just asked her about, or makes horse sounds. I want her to grow. I want her to be smart, witty, amazing and to have a beautiful, adventurous soul. So, why the bleep am I getting sad when I look back? I guess I just want her to be little for a little longer. In just two short months my baby won't technically be a baby anymore. Bahumbug!
This post is for my friends who are afraid to have kids... You bleeping should be! In these short nine months I have learned that babies are exhausting. They keep you up during hours you never wanted to be awake, they cry and usually you have no clue what for, they poop A LOT, you never ever feel like you have a free moment, they grab your hair and your face and your glasses and your plate and anything else within their reach- each and every time they get the chance... and some days you really question yourself and your ability to make it through the rest of your life as a sane human being.
There are some things you don't think about though. You don't know to think about that split second between a fit of rage when your baby looks at you, grabs your face and gives you the most slobbery open mouth kiss, or when they lay next to you and stare at you for minutes like you are the most important thing in this whole bleeping world; because to them, you always will be. You don't realize that sometimes when you look at your baby, you are going to see yourself, in an innocent way that you had almost forgotten even exists. Your kid will make you laugh, without effort, when you need a laugh the most.
I know it's hard to see your social life remaining the same, and it won't, but that doesn't mean you can't still have one. You don't need that little human attached to your hip {or nip} all the bleeping time... Pawn that kid off for a date night or some adult time! It's normal. And when you are out and about without them, you are going to miss them. Yes, you're probably going to have to skip out on some fun vacations, or maybe miss a couple of weddings and graduations, but I promise, there will be more. Try think about all of the fun places you'll explore that you haven't in years or maybe never have at all. I haven't ridden Dumbo at Disneyland in decades, but you bet your butt I will ride it next time I am there. Not only will you explore fun places, you will explore your imagination. You will be Barbie, Mickey, a cat, and a dog. Some days you will live in a fort in the living room and sometimes you will have 20 bleeping voices while you read just one eight page book.
You can travel the world, be 35, 45 or 55 and have a hefty bank account and you still won't feel ready. The day you read that positive stick, your life will change in a seriously huge way! Be bleeping scared, but only of the sleep depravation and fits... Those are the only big things to fear, and both are things that a little coffee and a big gummy smile can fix!
