Bleeping Blowouts

Nobody likes poop, nobody! When you have a baby, your fear of poop is something you will be forced to overcome. Let's face it, you're going to touch poop... It will get on your hands, on your arm, on your shirt, in your hair... It's inevitable, you will get shat on!

I have two favorite baby poop stories and both involve my husband. The first one was in the hospital; he was showing off for his brother and our sister in law while changing Birdie's diaper when she decided she wasn't done going. Mid-diaper change a big black tarry like poop bubble came out of that little bum and made quite the bleeping mess. My second favorite was a few weeks later when he had his ex-bosses over and, again, was showing off his awesome new dad skills when all of a sudden, SPLAT!!! Bleeping poop went everywhere! His arms, his shirt, his hands, the side of her pack and play... it was hilariously bleeping disgusting. It's obvious that he didn't listen to one of our dear friends when she gave us the advice to "keep an eye on that asshole!" because it would've saved him from both of these atrocious accidents.

The very first "blowout" I experienced was at the dentist office... because that's exactly what everyone going to get their teeth cleaned wants to witness! Since this was our first blowout, we weren't prepared. Fortunately, in our trunk we had a pack of unopened wipes- by the way, thanks for those, Sue, they bleeping saved us! That day taught me a few things: To always have extra wipes, to keep an extra onesie in my diaper bag at all times, and that it is possible for poop to end all the way up my baby's back to her bleeping neck!

These public blowouts (and when I say blowout, I mean throw away the outfit she's wearing kind of poop) aren't uncommon for Birdie! She loves doing her business while we are out and about. Here are a few of the other fun places she's decided it'd be fun to explode at: Sunday brunch at Pomona Mining Company, Red Robin, Maggianos, Kabuki, Babies-R-Us, and on the freeway returning home from Santa Monica.

I'm sure I've yet to have the best bleeping blowout yet, but when I do, you better believe you'll hear about it! Fellow parents and parents to be, remember these two things: 1. Keep your diaper bag fully stocked with wipes, diapers and extra clothes at all times and 2. "Keep an eye on that asshole!"